I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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