Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
