Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
