You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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