There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
