I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
