That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
