I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I wanna passion pit in your ass
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just high enough for therapy.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
