My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
