Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
