Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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