I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
