Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
