You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
