I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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