god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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