Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
