life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
