It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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