therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
