my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
