Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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