i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This is the high leading the old right now
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
