And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
