He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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