Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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