Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
