Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
