Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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