How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
