Your mouth is God's brothel.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
