Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
