nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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