and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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