Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
