did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
