My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
