alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
