The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
