I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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