Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
