I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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