I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
