suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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