your parents love me but you hate me
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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