I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
