I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
