Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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