dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
