I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
